"James and John, the sons of Zebedee, came forward to Jesus and said, "Teacher, we want you to do for us whatever we ask of you."
--Mark 10: 35
As a sports fan one of the things that frustrates me so much with modern athletes is free agency. After signing a contract for a few years a player can test the waters and leave a team to sign with someone else. Sometimes they sign with a team closer to home, but most of the time we hear the same narrative: they leave for more money because they don't think that their previous team was giving them what they deserved. All we who are sports fans can rattle off a litany of players who have left our favorite teams because, in their words, they weren't getting what they deserved.
Today we find James and John, the sons of Zebedee, suffering from this very frame of mind. They come to Jesus telling him that they want him to give him that which they feel they deserve. Remember that James and John--the sons of Thunder--and Peter made up Jesus' inner circle. They alone were allowed to go into the house when Jesus healed the dying young girl, and they alone will witness Jesus' Transfiguration on Mt. Tabor. They're kind of a big deal. And they're starting to get a little cocky, thinking that they're better than these other amateurs, that they are entitled to something more than them. So they come to Jesus. "Teacher," they say, "we want you to do for us whatever we ask of you." Wow! That's not even a question. It's not a request. It's a demand. And it takes some intestinal fortitude on their part. Jesus goes along with them for a bit. "What do you want?" he asks. "We want you to let us sit, one at your right hand and one at your left, in your glory." Jesus goes along with them for a bit, but then he informs them that such a demand cannot be granted by him, rather it is for God alone to decide. Tough for James and John. Yet it isn't the demand that I would ask that we focus on, instead it is the arrogance with which it is made.
A few posts back I talked about the deacons, those folks who embody for us what Jesus' call to be "servant of all" looks like. I guess James and John missed that lesson, because for them this tour of the Palestinian countryside appears to be more about campaign than ministry. You see, James and John have their eyes on their prize, on glory. But their glory is not Jesus' brand of glory. Their glory is Rome's glory, which is about power and lording that power over others. It's a military and political glory, and unfortunately for James and John--and many others--this is the kind of glory they thought Jesus' messiahship would bring. Jesus, though, comes and speaks of a kind of glory that is not Rome's. His glory is that of a cross, not a throne. His ambition is one of service to others, not the lording of his power over others. He, therefore, calls his apostles, and those who come after them, into this brand of glory. It's not the kind of glory the world would have us seek. James and John seem to have forgotten why they listened to Jesus and followed him in the first place.
That makes me wonder: why did they follow Jesus? What made them drop their nets and go with him? Maybe they sensed in Jesus something the world could not give them, namely a glimpse of the Kingdom of God--already here and yet still coming. Maybe they knew that he could give them that peace that the world could not give; the kind of peace that says you are no longer subject to the sins of your past, that you are loved beyond measure, and that you are God's own forever. Maybe their hearts were on fire when he called their names. Who knows? Whatever the reason was, I think I can say with certainty that the reason they took those first steps was because they thought they were going to get power and prestige out of it, or that Jesus was somehow going to reward them for doing it. After all, a part of them died when they followed Jesus, as they gave up family, friends, and livelihoods to go with this guy!
When we decide to follow Jesus a part of us dies, as well. Death is essential to our faith; after all, it is through the gate of death that Jesus offers us Resurrection. And as St. Francis says in that famous prayer, "it is in dying that we are born to eternal life." The old self, the self that says that I should look out for me and no one else because I deserve to get what's coming to me, that self dies. The self that is often beaten down by my own sin and disappointments, that self dies when we follow Jesus. The selfish ambitions that we may have had are washed away, replaced by the new ambition of service to others, and the prize of our own personal glory and satisfaction is replaced by the glory of the cross, of sacrifice. To be a follower of Jesus means to give more than we receive, to focus outwardly more than inwardly. When we do that we get a very real glimpse of the kingdom Jesus promised.
So I wonder: why have you decided to follow Jesus? I'm sure if I asked folks to email me their answers I'd never get the same one twice. Still, I'd be willing to bet that none of you would say, "I follow Jesus because it'll get me what I deserve" or "I do it because I want Jesus to give me whatever I ask him." Jesus doesn't work that way! James and John figured that out; James was beheaded and John died alone on an island. True, we do get grace upon grace poured out for us when we come together in common worship, song, and sacrament. But we don't come together because Jesus is going to reward us if we do. Grace is not a contract! We come together because Jesus has said to each of us, "Follow me!" And we gather together to continually ask what that looks like and to work together to live into the answer.
Following Jesus is not about getting everything we want or feel that we deserve. Following Jesus is about dying daily to our selves, replacing the ambition to be served with the ambition to serve. It's about asking not what Jesus can do for me, but what can I do for others on Jesus' behalf. I wonder what the world would look like if we asked ourselves those questions: what can I do? Why have I decided to follow Jesus?